I’m afraid I may have to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
I’ve always pictured myself a renaissance man,
a jack of all trades and much to my dismay, a master of none.
A writer of songs and hymns, a teller of stories and sometimes truths
I can play 1 to the 5, and 6 to the 4 in any key.
I can compete in any sport, at a mediocre level
I’m best at the things no one really cares about.
But I decided as much as I liked those things
That I’d rather spend my life loving my wife and raising our kids
I added two huge titles to my name but no more abilities.
So I lead worship, every once in a while.
I pray with my kids at bedtime, most days.
I sing songs that maybe you’ll hear, or maybe you won’t.
I write blogs that are supposed to be books, except on the days that I walk away.
Because I can’t find the words to say what I want to say,
which is more often than not.
I wonder if Peter Pan was actually good at anything.
He really just played all the time, except with Captain Hook
But pirates are fun too as long as you’re not in any real danger
And on his island, he was king of the world
Master of the feast, leader of the band, tamer of the beast
And the children he met, their lives were really changed, weren’t they?
Weren’t they? But who changed them?
The king or the leader, the tamer or the master?
The singer or the writer, the father or the pastor?
I’m afraid I may have to decide what I want to be when I grow up,
But I’m so afraid I’ll choose incorrectly.
So maybe I’ll just be…
11 thoughts on “What I Want To Be When I Grow Up”
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Since you got married and had kids, I don’t hear about you/your music as much. Seasons change and now you’re more of a dad and husband than a “Christian music artist” perhaps? I don’t know. I do know that wherever you are, whatever you do, you’ll be fine. After all, you were only one of two Christian music artists who thanked me for writing about them, and I interviewed more than 600… So just be…you. And you’ll be…fine.
I had a pastor once that told me that I was trying to hard to be SOMETHING, that maybe instead I should just BE. At the time I thought that was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard, however, our new Pastor has told me the same thing, just BE. I thought maybe they’d exchanged notes or something LOL. Or maybe, just maybe, they’re on to something……
Thanks for the blog, Todd. In a radio station I used to work at, a signed CD from Rich Mullins hung on the wall. His autograph read “Be His”. This is what I remember when I start to ask myself the questions you are asking. When we are His, He decides everything else-as it should be,right? BTW-I did the stage announcements for you in Midland, MI. Before we went out, we prayed and you said “God, let us not be afraid to embarrass ourselves for you.” It was the worst tank of an announcement I’d ever given. He heard our prayer, for sure! Peace!
When I met you earlier this year at Christ City Church in Birmingham, Al. I was so impressed with how down to earth you are. Christ uses you in such an amazing way, Todd. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to share with you a portion of my testimony that I had shared with my church. Your songs inspire me to dig a little deeper in my own faith. You wonder what you will be? I will tell you this and apologize for my rambling, a strong man / father/ and husband called you to be. Not to mentioned the storyteller and song writer that encourage us, your fans/ friends with words that flow thru you by THE HOLY SPIRIT. I commend you on your walk holding your feet steady and true to the path set before you. I pray you continue to be blessed by God in overwhelming ways only HE can.
Great thoughts, Todd. Your writing, like your songs, have a depth beneath the top layer of words and thoughts that expose your heart. Very good expression with vulnerability is the mark of a good writer. It’s interesting that “afraid” is at the beginning and ending of your blog.
On a more superficial level, reading your blog reminded me that I don’t want to grow up. I want to remain child-like in the way I see the wonder of everything around me and in the way I give and receive love with child-like abandon. I want to trust God with child-like faith and enjoy life with the delight of a child at Christmas.
Did you sing a song like this in South Carolina? It sounds familiar.
I echo Mark! Just be you – We all go through seasons in our life, when its time to grow up in one area or another just remember the Lord’s words: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
I struggle with the same questions, day in and day out. When I was 18, I thought I would be … more. BUT GOD has His perfect plans for me. I am the wife of an incredible man. I have 3 beautiful, if not trying, children. I am in good health. I have luxuries that millions do with out. I like what Shannyn had to say, “Be His. ” He’ll figure out the rest. I just saw this quote on my desk calendar: “Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.”
Mark Hall from Casting Crowns said something that I believe is true about relationships. He said that Jesus must complete us first and then we pour into our relationships. Mark can say it better than I can so check out Klove’s daily devotionals with Mark Hall part one and you may be blessed by it. I was for sure.
I’m with you, my friend — it’s hard to know what to do, especially when loud voices seem to be shouting from every corner about what you’re supposed to do. Praying that you’ll discover more about your direction today!
“I’m afraid I may have to decide what I want to be when I grow up,
But I’m so afraid I’ll choose incorrectly.
So maybe I’ll just be…” like Jesus. At least that’s what we should all be striving for.