“Most Christian leadership is exercised by people who do not know how to develop healthy, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead. Many Christian empire-builders have been people unable to give and receive love.”
– Henri Nouwen
And… discuss.
Todd
All I can say is WOW!! Unbelievably true!
Just about anything that starts out with the word “MOST” kind of gets me going, especially when there are no studies or statistics involved. This just sounds like someone who has seen the condition frequently in their own life, so they leap to the assumption that it is prevalent based on their experience. As Christians we need to be cautious in making these kind of “leaps” in our thinking, whether we are looking at the world, our leaders, or at ourselves. It can get us into as much trouble as anything else.
It does however bring up a valid point for Christian leaders, indeed all Christians, to consider. As humans, and as Christians, we do have problems developing and maintaining healthy intimate relationships at one point in time or another. After all, we are subject to human nature, which is incredibly “me” centered instead of God centered. It is unfortunate and troubling when we see this in our leaders, but don’t we also see it in those they lead?
This is where we cannot be found lacking — Building a healthy intimate relationship with God first. If we get this one built, there will be a strong foundation for all the other relationships we build, but it has to start here first. Work on this one and you have a better chance of building healthy relationships with those around you. Our leaders should indeed be chosen from those that we know have built a healthy intimate relationship with the Father.
Cool…a quote.
This sounds like that whole stumbling block thing the Bible refers to. Many in church leadership don’t trust the concept of grace, so they focus on telling people to follow the rules. If people were left to follow Jesus on their own, you never know what the church might look like. Some are afraid to find out.
Oh, and don’t feel bad about those good folks over at Ardent spelling your name wrong, my Dad spells my name wrong, always has, my first name no less…go figure.
Many blessings to you and yours,
Tess
I think Tess hit it on the head: “If people were left to follow Jesus on their own, you never know what the church might look like. Some are afraid to find out.” That is a phenomenal sentence. I think your quote also, sadly, is dead on more times than it’s not. Let’s change that!!
Much of American Christianity is so very far astray, a vast multitude of reasons, many having to do with ideas presented in government youth prison aka public school. Diversify and divide the “christian” church over a century and we are no longer a social or political force.
We are supposed to be a counter culture, but overall American megachurch leadership tries to blend the church with the culture blurring all the edges making everyone feel good hearing what they want to hear.
The experience of a church larger than a hundred or so members gets to be pretty meaningless, come for your weekly dose of feel good and a cool musical performance, shake a few peoples hands you are lucky to know the name of let alone have an intimate brotherly relationship with and go home to watch the next mind numbing show on TV.
First one thing about the quote, I double-checked the source, and it says “much Christian leadership. . .” instead of “most Christian leadership. . .”; sorry–maybe I’m too picky, but “most” meant something very negative to me about the author, whereas “much” meant something more reasonable on the author’s part.
I really like Henri Nouwen’s books, so wanted to make sure before I reacted. I also wanted context. He was talking about how Christian’s tend to be tempted by power, especially the leadership. And I have to agree, just in my own life. I’m not a “leader” in the sense of a Pastor or staff member, but I have led bible studies, and organized retreats, etc. and it is a great struggle for me in my personal life to not always try to be the one in control.
Thanks Todd for this quote to think about, I’m in a ladies group that just started–we are discussing a Biblical response to the book/movie “Eat, Pray, Love” which has got a lot of interest in the world right now, and this quote in context speaks towards an answer of what we all try to look for in our lives. I found the article at http://www.epiphanyresources.com/9to5/articles/nouwen.htm
if anyone else wants to read the context of the quote.
I was in a leadership capacity for many years in a Christian organization, never taking vacations, and believing I was doing the right thing by devoting all of my time and energy to that ministry. I did not have a life outside of my work. When I resigned two years ago, it was the best decision I’ve made in a very long time. After spending lots of time alone with the Lord, He has taught me that loving others well and receiving love in healthy relationships is more precious than anything else. Now, instead of striving to “be” a leader in ministry, I am free to “do” ministry. It is sad that power, control, pride, and desire for recognition are the driving forces behind many who deceive themselves into thinking they are following the will of God. Instead of frantically pursuing the perceived will of God for my life, I have found it better just to pursue God Himself and let Him teach me how to love and how to live in ways that will serve others instead of promoting myself. Nouwen’s quote certainly describes some Christian leaders I’ve experienced. The wounds from their leadership are still in the process of healing.
I once heard it said that in Palestine, Christianity was a movement. When it went to Rome it became an institution, and in America it became a corporation.
I believe the CEO model of churches needs to be broken down. The church is not a management model, supported by chosen scripture. It is a relationship. I don’t recall Jesus ever giving the apostles a performance review – nor us. Good thing.
I can see how people would agree with this quote.
This statement seems like a cry out for prayer to the church in regards to it’s leadership. And something to think about when praying for our leadership is that no matter how big or small a church body it is only as effective as it’s members.
My parents have always tried to teach me that we cannot change others. However we can change ourselves and how we view others, how we react, how we love, how we pray, basically how we live and relate to people. Then perhaps their negative view of us may change.
Lord of all creation, Maker of the heavens and the earth, Lover of our souls, we are imperfect in so many ways that often times Lord we do not recognize the condition/motive of our hearts.
God I ask that You forgive us and I thank you Lord for loving us even though we live in the flesh and we are unworthy of Your love. Father I lift up Your church, I pray for the leaders that You have appointed I pray that You work through them and in them Lord, I pray that you would bring a healthy balance into their lives. Lord You know the qualities and attributes it takes to be a leader here in this world and I have faith You have appointed the appropriate people to do so. I pray that Your will and their will would be in line and that no one compromise anything in Your Word simply to sound appealing to the world but let them trust in You fully with their whole heart, soul and mind as they share Your Truth with the lost and with Your church body. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Were you in the same church I was a couple years ago..????? This is such a sad statement, but so true and the saddest part is those who truly believe and follow those leaders. Not that we didn’t learn and grow closer to God, but it’s been too long learning how to love and heal away from it.
Is it alright if I comment again??
Could it be that we simply live in a culture where most people “do not know how to develop healty, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead”? Could it be that the world we live in encourages and extols empire-building, while de-emphasizing the more relational parts of life? And if these are true, would it naturally follow that men and women in ministry reflect these cultural realities? This doesn’t give them a pass, but maybe it could help us to see them in a different light. Maybe men and women in full time ministry need us to minister to them. Maybe we need to reflect Jesus in such a way that they will be able to experience God’s love in a more real way.
Some might say that we shouldn’t have to do this, that our ministers should have it right, but that fact is, some are bogged down and probably worn down. They need our love. They need us to come along side them and be an encouragement as they minister to others. We are all in this together…after all. We’re all ministers, whether full time or not, and we all have a responsibility to the body of Christ.
Anyway, just a thought. Have a most blessed day!
Yay Tess!! You have such a Christ-like heart!! I really needed to hear your comment today.
Yeah, good comments. Tess beat me to it: ” Many in church leadership don’t trust the concept of grace, so they focus on telling people to follow the rules.”
Maybe its the caliber of people Todd attracts to his blog, but I’m surprised you-all honed in on grace and relationship so quickly.
I, being a blood bought free grace believing christian, still managed to serve the law for maybe 25 years. Boy am I tired!
Still, I believe church leadership is a necessary component to His Church. So I pray, Lord, that they will be so led by Your Holy Spirit, to lead us, to you. Come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden, and shall find rest for your souls.
Thanks RichT and JJ. I feel bad for those of you who have been hurt byChristian leaders and/or leadership. Steve, wasn’t the parable of the talents a performance review?
Want to be a great leader? Well you need to be willing to die for your followers? And before you think I am talking about HIM…
Geoege Washington, arguably the greatest leader in American history… remember the picture of him crossing the Deleware? He is standing in the front of the boat, foot on the bow staring at the distant shore. That picture sums up his leadership to a point. He is looking forward, charting the safe course and is the most exposed to an enemies bullet.
Remember the captain of the ship that was attacked by Somalia pirates? He asked his captors to take him and to let his other men go. With no guarantee of safety he put his life on the line in place of his men.
Great leaders are men and women who are willing to die for the cause. Now some give the final sacrifice and give their very lives but others allow things in their lives to die so that they may be a greater influence on others.
Brenda: No, I don’t think the parable of talents was a performance review. I believe it was more a commentary on not using gifts, and a lesson on misunderstanding what God is asking of us – to use what we have been given. Perhaps in some ways it could be considered a review of performance, but I think it was more about burying the light.
I think Henri Nouwen was probably deeply wounded by someone in a position of authority, and sadly, that would put him in the majority, not the minority, so such a statement bears a lot of credence. Tess, I agree with you that maybe our culture perpetuates such a mentality that spills over into Christian leadership.
I have seen leaders who have wonderful marriages and solid, intimate friendships. I also think those in leadership are under spiritual attack to undermine that leadership in order to perpetuate chaos, unbelief, and heartache.
When the needs of a church over-shadow the authentic human relationships in Christ that it was supposed to nourish, then it’s not serving the Father or its participants anymore. The potential challenge with all churches lies in their tendency to seek stability and self-perpetuation rather than God-perpertuation, taking on “lives’ of their own that consume the material and spiritual resources of all involved. Only the most loving and enlightened of leaders and members will put authentic relationships above the “secutiry” of the organization. Christ didn’t come to build churches, nor did He “plant” a single one. Rather He came to create loving relationships and to reconnect people with each other and their Father. He said it only takes 2 of you, and I am there. Leaders of churches or other religious institutions are at even greater risk of becoming “pharisees” when they’ve tied their livelihoods and reputations to the ongoing material success of the institution. Hence, Christ’s insistence on “servant leadership”. Or as a five-year old asked his mother after church one day, “Why are there rich churches when there are poor people?” A church can feed us spiritually, or it can bleeds us if we tie our identity to a place or group of people, or a set of rituals, or doctrines, and find comfort, but not Christ. Christ tried to convince an institutional church that the people outside its doors mattered more than their temple, their leaders, their rituals, or their doctrines. He was hung on a Cross for that heresy, let’s don’t keep repeating that fatal error.
If you want to explore more, check out books by Christian authors “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore” by Jake Colson and “Authentic Relationships – the Lost Art of One Anothering” by Wayne and Chris Jacobson.