Due to an old Boyz II Men fascination, I wanted to call this the “End of the Road”, and although that fits, I thought End of the Rope was better. You know, that day, that moment, when you feel like you’re hanging on to the last bit of the rope you have with the last bit of strength you possess. And you have no idea what will happen when you can’t hold on any longer, but you’re terrified of it. I think most of us have been there. And I think some of you, like me, live there. I keep wondering, “God, when is the break coming?” There is always something else to do. Always another load to be carried. Another challenge to be attempted. Another trial to be endured. Being a husband doesn’t take a pause for refreshment. There’s no halftime to parenting. Careers don’t take into account what you have left to give. Bills don’t take months off, even if your career does. I understand that God is shaping me, but it seems like some rest might shape me, too.
So for some reason, I remembered this song today. I heard it playing at a DNow we led in Batesville, MS, this spring. I had to go ask the sound guy what it was. It’s called “Worth It All” by Rita Springer. Now I’m a cynical guy. And when I’m in the midst of a tough time, and someone says something like, “It’s going to be worth it,” I just look at them and say, “Really? Is that the best you could come up with? Please go find someone who falls for your cliches, maybe you can help them.” It’s like when you’re going through a break-up and people come up and say, “This just means God has someone even better out there for you.” That may be true (it was for me), but it doesn’t change how I feel right then. It just makes me want to punch them. And sometimes that makes me feel better. But I have to admit, there is something about this song. It’s a worship song that somehow takes those old words and wrings the truth out of them. Somehow it takes an overused phrase and reminds me that it really will be worth it.
We weren’t created for 80 years. We were created for eternity. So why do I always think that I will find the finish line here? Why do I think I will be fulfilled here? That’s what heaven is for. Can I believe that God intimately knows every struggle I have and purposes them for my good? Do I think He has forgotten me? Do I think He doesn’t care? Doesn’t notice? Because that’s not the God I know. But the God I know may let me fall so that I will learn to run. Imagine holding your child’s bike up straight as they were learning to ride. Or your friend’s bike, if you’re a kid. But now imagine that as they get older, you continue to hold their bike; you keep them upright. Always. They get so good that finally they enter the Tour de France. But there, due to rules and such, you are not allowed to help them. And while they have grown up and their legs are strong, they have no balance. So they crash 5 yards from the starting line and are the hit of YouTube for that week. The question is: Did your protection of them help them or hinder them? Was that really love? I think God really loves me and cheers me on, even when I fall.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)
Right now, there are many days where I don’t think I have the strength to take one more step in this race. I’m going to have to lay down. To quit. And I don’t even know how to do that. But this summer I was reading Martin Luther and he said that when we study the Bible we have to understand the terms. We have to know what the author meant by that word, not what it means in our culture. For me, one of those words was “faith”. I’ve read the beginning of Hebrews for years, and I always read the word “faith” as religion. The Christian faith. Jesus is the author and perfecter of the Christian faith, Christianity. But that’s not what the writer of Hebrews meant. He meant “faith”, like trust, dependence. I’ve been trying to learn dependence. To do a better job of leaning on Jesus. But I’m still the one doing it. This verse clearly says that the start and the finish of my dependence is Jesus. Not me. Even when I’m trying to hold on to the end of the rope, the start and the end of my holding on is Jesus. Jesus is the author of faith; He created it, He made it up, He started it. And He’s not just the author of faith in general, He is the author of MY faith. And He is the perfecter of my faith. It was never up to me to perfect my holding on, it was up to Him. (Trying to avoid a “Still Has A Hold” reference here.)
So when you get to the end of the rope, remember that the One who is holding on to you made the rope. He knows how strong and weak you are. And He has a reward for you beyond anything you can imagine. And with no cliche, it will be worth it all.
Todd
You don’t know how much I needed this (but, God did, apparently!). I have lived in Amarillo for 27 years & in the same home (not just a house) for 20. I was laid off in Nov & my hubby lost his job in May. Both of us in healthcare. He has a job offer in the State of Washington. I’m trying to find a job in Texas (I have a professional license). Reciprocity for my license is a long, drawn out, and expensive venture. I am at the end of that rope, but I can also feel the Hands of God. I hope that is faith. My sis-in-law reminded me the other day to ask God to open the door, but not to knock in the one He doesn’t want me to open. She also reminded me of Prov 3:5-6 that God’s plan is always, yes always better than anything we can dream or imagine! I’m 52 and I’m about as fearful as I have been in a long time. What if I hate it there? We just got our daughter settled in Austin! (BTW she goes to Soma Austin, although she did try Austin Stone) It will be so far. Although she sent a link where Alaska Airlines is flying once a day from Seattle to Austin! Ha! Thanks for reminding me to have faith & to remember who made the rope in the first place. Thought you were funny on KLove this morning! And I enjoy your tweets. Thanks for just being the guy next door. You rock. 🙂
Todd, your post made me laugh and cry both at the same time. Since the first of May I have been experiencing exactly what Mary from your song “lovers in Your Head” is going through. Most of the days since then I have felt as if i just don’t have the strength to live another day. The tears truly do outnumber the grains of sand. The grief has been so overpowering that at times I have wondered if God really is there or even cares at all what I’m feeling. I’ve had a very difficult time connecting to Him some days because I’ve been so wrapped up in my own pain and anger. But I know in the midst of all that He has never let go of me. Thank you for the reminder to stay strong in my faith in Him alone and that even though my rope seems to be frayed to a very thin thread He won’t let me fall-He will see me through this. Thank you also for your song. I’ve cried a lot of tears with Mary then am comforted just a few songs later knowing that every one of those tears fall into the palm of God’s hand. We still miss you here in Memphis but I’m happy for your happiness.
Marsha
Thank you, Todd, for your honesty and encouragement. The word God has been challenging me with this summer is “trust,” which is almost the same as faith. In all that we experience and encounter, we can lean on and trust God. It is true what the Bible says about Him, He really is as powerful and able as the Bible reports, and I am learning I can truly trust Him in all things. Anyway, thank you again for this blog! You and the guys are in my prayers.
I just graduated from college and it doesn’t seem like my life will go anywhere soon. I can’t find any work and I feel like I’m going to be living with my parents forever. It’s nice to live with them and I am also helping my mom because of her health problems. I just feel at the end of my rope because it feels like there is no where I can go. I feel kind of trapped and I don’t know how to trust God with this.
thanks for this great blog, Todd. (i’ve been waiting for a “break” for many years now!) i’d never heard “Worth It All” but just found a lovely youtube video of it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQVmR0jV52A
God bless you, your family & your ministry. =)
P.S. oopsy, we didn’t do a very good job of avoiding the “Still Has A Hold” reference now, did we? hee hee.
Todd, I can’t imagine you having days when your at the end of your rope. You are so talented, thoughtful and such a rock for so many people. Your every word, every blog, every song means so much to alot of us out here. I guess its pretty pathetic thinking that just because you have the gift of music all is wonderful.
I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. I understand moving forward and feeling like your going backward and I know days when I don’t feel I’ve moved at all!!
Those are days when I read your blog, listen to your music and visit my other Christian sources of solace. Hang in there with all of us and for all of us. The boat may get tossed around abit, but God never let it sink!
I don’t know how to stop going either, although I don’t cover as much geography as you do. I used to live by the philosophy that when the going got tough, I had to get tougher. That was in my BC years. That philosophy worked for a while, but eventually it came close to destroying me as a person. Abiding in God is a much better plan. At the risk of sounding simple minded, it always seems to come back to abiding in God. Life will throw things at us that we can’t handle, and God will allow that. But life can’t throw anything at us that God can’t handle. We need to hold onto Him (I’m still pondering the song). We run into trouble, or at least pain and disappointment, when we have unrealistic expectations in life. To think that life should, or will, be easy is unrealistic. This expectation will leave us hurt and disappointed throughout life. As far as faith goes, it seems to be easier to trust and find faith once we have a few years of history in relationship with God. Because His faithfulness never fails. Okay, those are my hodge-podge thoughts on this. You take care now and have fun with the second leg of the radio tour.
Todd, thanks for the encouragement. You always bring a smile to my face and a hope to my heart. I really needed your ( really God’s) words today.
I am in much the same situation as Bree is…graduated from college, living with parents, sick mother and metally/ physically and handicapped brother. I don’t feel like i can get out of this place and yet i know God has something more. I just can’t seem to get away from here to chase after what He wants for me. Or maybe that’s that I don’t know how to get away.
Anyway, thanks, Todd again for your faithful heart to our Lord Jesus Christ and for allowing Him to use your heart, stories, and music to encourage all of us.
Love you very much.
First let me say: Rita Springer is wonderful. Beautiful song…
Second: Many years of my life were spent at the end of that rope. I did let go in July, 1995. My faith was depleted and hope gone. The only answer that I could live with was to die. (Sounds funny, I know…) So I took a bottle of pills and tried to let go of that rope. But God wouldn’t let me. When I came out of the coma, I had such peace. God’s voice was clear: He had a plan and my actions were contrary to it. And if I would follow Him, I’d find peace and joy beyond my wildest dreams.
Fourteen years have passed and I’m still here, but not at the end of a rope. Yes, there are storms and trials, but my confidence is certain because that old rope is looped and knotted and tied securely around my heart.
And I can honestly say that all that pain was worth it!